Revenge?  Really?  I was foolishly unaware of your grudge-holding capabilites.  Perhaps if I had stayed awake in church while my father was delivering his sermons from the Lay pulpit, I would have learned of your sneaky ways. Perhaps if I had continued going to church at all, instead of staying home to watch Abbott and Costello reruns, I would be more prepared for what lies ahead.  Seriously, is this your doing?  How else could I possibly have agreed to teach Sunday school this fall?
Would it help if I said I was sorry, and that Abbott and Costello were so not even funny?
Me.  Teaching sunday school.  Bahaaahhaaaa.  Blasphemous indeed.